she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
