I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
