Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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