Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Mom said you looked used
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
