There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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