I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
