anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm passing your future prison.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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