drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
