I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
