if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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