I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
