apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
