her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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