the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
