The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
