we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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