Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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