Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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