Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
