They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
