Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm at about main and main street
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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