I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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