He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
