i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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