Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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