Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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