batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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