i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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