And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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