im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
