I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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