Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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