i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
