hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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