Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
