Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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