I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
