NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
