I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
