im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
