dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
