we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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