Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
