it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
