So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
