I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
