i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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