so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You made out with two different species that night
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
