I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
