Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
