I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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