Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
