i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
