saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
