You're completely useless in the revolution.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
